92nd Annual PGA Tour Championship

cal August 10th, 2010

tiger woods

Tomorrow, I will be attending the 92nd Annual PGA Tour Championship. I will see Tiger Woods, undoubtedly, failing to lunch and launch.

That is exciting.

Interestingly, the tour is allowing cameras on the grounds tomorrow, so I will be snapping pictures like a jackrabbit.

In lieu of the tourney, I wanted to avoid any potential kitchen disaster. Naturally I resorted to my safe harbor, Chipotle, for one more night.

But not before a little bike ride – a tour along Milwaukee’s lakeshore boardwark that reminds me what a great biking city it is. This puts me up to 973 miles on the summer – only 27 away from my 1000 mile rushing season.

Love,

Matt

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Breakfast.

cal August 10th, 2010

eggs

Yesssss.

Love,

Matt

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Whole Grain Spaghetti alla Bolognese

cal August 9th, 2010

pasta

Cooking for the first time is a two-pronged surprise.

First, it’s fascinating how easy cooking is. Second, it’s amazing how much overhead cost there is at most restaurants, especially if you cook fresh.

This recipe, however, needed one thing – two more tomatoes.

Plus, I couldn’t find Parmesan Cheese at the grocery store. Come on, now. It’s not like it’s some rare earth metal.

Other than that, it was tasty, easily narrowing out theme-park disaster restaurants like the Olive Garden, or it’s perpetually disappointing spiritual brother, Fazolli’s.

Love,

Matt

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The Best Pizza I’ve Ever Had…

cal August 6th, 2010

vegetable

Of course, I’m not impartial.

In my defense, it contained the freshest ingredients I’ve ever eaten on a pizza – so at the very least, my judgment is far from being indefensible. You can see the start of something nice at the left.

pizzaI started with creating and simmering a fresh tomato sauce, added cheese between two layers of crust, and added fresh olives, tomatoes, peppers, jalapenos, and pepperoni.

It was a good dish.

Love,

Matt

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Coconut Curry Beef over Rice Noodles

cal August 5th, 2010

beef curry

Tonight, I wanted to try making Thai food.

One thing I’ve always loved about Thai is the sauce – it’ll make or break a dish.

So naturally, I wanted to learn how to make a good curry sauce.

Little did I know that most of it starts with coconut milk. It reduces nicely over your ingredients, and acts a the perfect base to experiment in…in this case, I tossed in some red curry paste to spice it up a notch, and some diced potatoes fill out the edges.

It was a good dish.

Love,

Matt

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Healthy, Iced Coffee.

cal August 3rd, 2010

eggs

At the risk of sharing a bleedingly obvious recipe, let me tell you about a delicious coffee cocktail I made that tasted great, and, was good for me.

Well, at least healthier and cheaper than the Starbucks alternative. Unfortunately, this recipe requires you to buy at least one Starbucks cold brew.

The first step is humiliating; buying the Starbucks cold brew. Put on your art school glasses, grab onto that book you never managed to read, and sip through the pain with complacent self-satisfaction. Keep the cup.

Now comes the easy part.

Brew your coffee in the evening (3 cups), let it cool, and place the pot in the fridge overnight. Make sure you have ice cubes cooking in the freezer.

Wake up in the morning (this step is important, and I’ve discovered that alarm clocks help).

In a bowl, mix your cold coffee and a splash of whole milk. Then, hang onto your trousers/skirts, for next, the magic arrives.

Add two packets of Carnation Instant Breakfast, of the vanilla variety. Bam, your coffee now has 12 grams of protein, 70% of your vitamin A, and more. For a full rundown, click here.

Place mixture in the Starbucks™ cup and add ice. Stroll around busy areas, impressing everyone you meet with your impeccable taste in fine coffee.

In summary. Ditch Starbucks. Embrace Starcents.

Love,

Matt

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Starting Somewhere.

cal August 1st, 2010

eggs

After a 72 mile bike ride today, I was not interested in making anything extravagant.

So I made eggs, baby potatoes, ham, and fried up some green peppers.

In my defense, it was all fresh.

Love,

Matt

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I like Coffee

cal July 31st, 2010

coffee

To celebrate the relunch of Failure to Lunch, I decided I wanted to purchase a device that automatically generated a cup of coffee, get this – in less than 10 minutes.

Fortunately, such a device was on sale at my local Boston Store today.

Such crafty, shiny futurism could not be cheap – I feared the blessing of this convenience would cost an arm and a leg.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I was told it only cost a leg.

Love,

Matt

P.S. First pot, failure

Second pot, failure

Third pot, success.

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My 25′50″ 5k; Just for you, Sampson

cal January 17th, 2010

i'm a runner

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. While you may think it’s because I don’t love you, let me assure you that there are different reasons…

I do not receive a salary for this. Nor is it my day job.

However, this does not dissuade my ambitions to one day have benefactors.

Shameless plug, yes, but in my defense, I need to eat.

Today, I ran the 5K “Sampson Stomp and Romp” annual race at the Milwaukee Zoo. I naively decided to join the ‘competitive class’, but I don’t regret doing so. Although I do not yet know how I placed, my time was 25′50″.

And we were graced with the presence of a very special guest…an incredibly furry, awkwardly suited Samson mascot!

He seemed pretty cheerful until I informed him that the majority of participants were simply there to run, and couldn’t care less about him or gorillas in general.

Delilah, his wife, was NOT pleased.

Of course, I keed, I keed. The plight of the gorilla is in fact a very serious matter.

So, 25′50″ was not bad. Next time, I’ll push myself harder I’m sure.

After the race, we were given our rationings for the morning – an orange, a children’s container of OJ, and a Sarah Lee Banana NutCake. Mmhhhmmhhya.

Naturally, I was hungry throughout the day after this ordeal. Although I felt like making fish tonight, I chickened out and picked up some steak clippings at Chipotle. The steak came with beans, rice, salsa, and some sort of flatbread.

In certain cultures, this is called a burrito.

Pretty delicious, and dare I say it’s helping me gain weight.

Love,

Matt

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Work (and after) Party

cal January 16th, 2010

party

It would appear I’m having a good time in this picture.

The food was great, as it usually is at the Safehouse. I had steak, red potatoes, green beans, deep fried cheese, and macaroni salad.

This shot was taken around 2:00, so clearly, it only made sense to grab a sub at Jimmy John’s – which I did.

Love,

Matt

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Pizzaria Uno, Forensics, and the Minnesota Favres

cal January 10th, 2010

pasta

While pizza is a slightly ironic dietary choice for this blog, keep this in mind:

Pizza is delicious.

I’m Chicagoan in the sense that I prefer deep dish pizza to a fired flapjack with sauce. I would further extend my love for the Windy City and become a Bears fan, but I tend to restrain my taste to good things.

In that sense, perhaps I’m a fair-weathered fan. But whatever…show me someone who likes to walk in the rain, and I’ll show you this.

Of course, taking football seriously is sort of like raging when you lose a game of Candyland, just without the multi-million dollar sponsors and color-coordinated uniforms. So I’m going to shut it.

On second thought, I won’t.

It just isn’t too important in the context of the planet’s more potent problems, a list of which these folks would be happy to provide.

And you thought this blog was just about food.

Despite my tangential tendencies, Uno makes a pretty good pie. The crust is crisp, yet buttery – probably the best attribute, as the sauce is a bit dull, but I’ll let it slide.

Good experience overall.

I also trained to become a high school forensics judge this weekend. Nice!

I like to think of it as a ‘first foray’ into my professional radio career, despite the obvious dilemma – unfortunately, I just don’t think I have the face for it.

Love,

Matt

P.S. Tough loss. Good game Cards.

I’m now officially rooting for the Minnesota Favres. (I’m not a hater)

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Pasta was on sale, so I made pasta…

cal January 7th, 2010

pasta

My diet is all too often dictated by the Roundy’s flyer.

This week, pasta was on sale for $1 a box. Looks like I’m eating this feast of enriched flour for a while.

I really can’t think of too much to say tonight, apart from the fact that it’s snowing around here.

I walked to work today.

No more careening wildly through icy red lights for me, a fearful perspiration fogging my glasses…blinding me to the fate of twisted metal that lay just feet ahead.

Yeah, I walked.

Love,

Matt

P.S. A reminder to you two – watch the movie “Man on Wire” on Netflix. Just do it.

How is the computer working out? Get the cable yet?

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Chipotle runs do not favor hindsight

cal January 6th, 2010

pasta

I ate at Chipotle again tonight.

Late.

Not a brilliant idea, my morning self keeps telling me.

Love,

Matt

Update: Morning self knows best.

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Goal Reached! But Not Exceeded…

cal January 6th, 2010

yea!

Next stop, 180 pounds.

Thanks to everyone who has either encouraged, or better yet, fed me.

Love,

Matt

P.S. I think the pot pie put me over the top, Mom.

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I Will Never Buy a Restaurant-Made Burger Again. And Happy Birthday.

cal January 3rd, 2010

Declicious

My ‘beef’ with the concept of enlightenment has finally reached self-actualization. This is much less pretentious than it sounds, and it makes sense if you don’t think about it. k?

k.

It was a pepper coated sirloin beef patty, pepper jack cheese, ketchup, spicy mustard, pickles and lettuce…much better than anything I’ve ever purchased at a restaurant. I will never buy a restaurant burger again – unless I decide to change my mind.

Although my personal ‘chain’ may not be as clean as a recent article in USA TODAY would lead me to believe, I don’t care. It just tastes better.

I also scrambled up some eggs in 2% milk…never again will I eat scrambled eggs sans milk. It just isn’t right, and only serves to mock the sacrifice made by those little oblong domes of protein.

dtb

I must give a shout out to my good friend Duke, who is celebrating his birthday today. Always remember – I don’t hate you nearly as much as I let on.

DTB <3.

Love,

Matt

P.S. Now that I’ve integrated all of this dynamic hoopla (comments, tags, and more), a site redesign is coming soon.

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I Don’t Believe in New Year’s Resolutions

cal January 2nd, 2010

Declicious

I don’t believe in new year’s resolutions.

It’s a concept that conveniently allows people to remain complacent within the shadow of a future goal. A distant resolution is not ambitious – it’s procrastination masquerading as desire.

Pro-tip: If you want something badly enough, do it right now.

That’s why I made this delicious scrambled-egg burger with diced potatoes; to gain the weight I want, right now.

I was able to run the mile in 6 minutes, 30 seconds tonight.

Not bad after all that skiing yesterday, huh?

Love,

Matt

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Today I am Eating…

cal January 1st, 2010

Declicious

Kidding.

For now.

Love,

Matt

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Tonight, I Lend a Helping Hand to Hamburger

cal December 29th, 2009

good

You know, to save money for graduate school.

I’ve since learned, however, it’s not quite saving if you eat the whole thing. And I’m all the wiser for that.

Tonight, I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life…If you lend a friend a helping hand, he usually gives something back.

Also, isn’t there something incredibly unappealing about photos of someone’s hamburger helper creation?

Despite my inability to snap a good shot however, the photo on the product packaging looks incredible. In addition to being a stellar cook, Betty Crocker is apparently an amazing photographer.

I finished off the night some Jalapeno Krunchers. So good. Each flaming bite is like punishment towards greater purpose.

Love,

Matt

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May Ms. Bessie Rest in Peace

cal December 27th, 2009

Declicious

So, interesting story.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I often remind people of someone they knew in their past. It’s always been that way.

For instance, my butcher today (the man who killed Ms. Bessie) beckoned me over to the meat cooler with a bellowing “Hya Balto!”. Now, as far as I’m aware, I am not, nor ever have been, named Balto; so I informed him that my name is Francis.

He proceeded to tell me that I look just like this exceptionally nice fellow down at some ring-ding bar on Water Street.

I will be going there to meet my twin one of these weekends.

The burger was the man. May Ms. Bessie rest in spotted peace.

Love,

Matt

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My First Solo Christmas, & Back in Business

cal December 25th, 2009

Eggs on Mah Fork!

The combination of no local family, bad weather, and a cat (whom I think of as a hair-challenged son with an abrasive personality), is more intolerant of the Christmas season than some certifiable scrooges that I know.

As such, I spent Christmas with my computer, freelance web work, studying for the GMAT (going to graduate school!) and a few warming phone calls here and there.

What a scrooge.

But, my meal was good! Boe-tie pasta dressed to the nines with alfredo, chicken, and a sprinkle of spinach.

Also, my parents loved this website! :) .

Merry Christmas Mom and Dad! For the record, my new years resolution is to never miss another holiday with you guys!

Unless I die.

…hopefully that event will be unrelated to my cooking.

Love,

Matt

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A Masterful PotatoNo E! with Dan Quayle

cal December 24th, 2009

Eggs Potatos

I may not have mastered cooking the potato, but I can surely spell it correctly.

Here’s to hoping Dan Quayle is a masterful potato chef in some alternate universe. If you’re not sure where I’m going with this tangent, check out what a reputable source has to say on the matter:

“His most famous blunder occurred when he corrected student William Figueroa’s correct spelling of “potato” to “potatoe” at an elementary school spelling bee in Trenton, New Jersey, on June 15, 1992.[15][16] Although he was relying on cards provided by the school which included the misspelling, Quayle was widely lambasted for his apparent inability to spell the word “potato”. According to his memoirs, Quayle was uncomfortable with the version he gave, but did so because he decided to trust the school’s incorrect written materials. Figueroa was a guest on Late Night with David Letterman and was asked to lead the Pledge of Allegiance at the 1992 Democratic National Convention.”

Source: Wikipedia, Dan Quayle Article

bird brainBird brain.

Love,

Matt

P.S. If you’re feeling political today, check out some Dan Quayle fun over here.

I lost it at the “whistle”.

And further down the rabbit hole, revel in vicarious satisfaction at the diss heard round the world.

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Rice & Ham

cal December 24th, 2009

Eggs Potatos

To the mild amusement of my co-workers, I decided to make rice and ham.

The only thing worth noting is that IT WAS DELICIOUS YOU NAYSAYERS.

Oh. And that it is was wild rice with walnuts, apples, and spices.

The ham was from a Hillshire Farms piggy. May he rest in peace, ideally in a heaven where the streets are paved with mud.

Love,

Matt

P.S. I just sneezed, but am otherwise OK.

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The Midnight Snack

cal December 23rd, 2009

Midnight Snack
The only thing I can say is that I will regret this come morning.

Love,

Matt

Morning Update: Yup.

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A Return to Old Habits

cal November 17th, 2009

Burrrrito

I’m really tired tonight. I went to the gym. I ate this burrito.

And I have a maths equation for the uneducated:

chipolte is better than qdoba

So apart from the burrito, this was an average day.

Although, you called tonight and we talked. That was nice.

Love,

Matt

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Brinner Awaits…

cal November 16th, 2009

Eggs on Mah Fork!Righteously exhausted after deciding to skip the gym for the second day in a row, I decided to, you guessed it, prepare Brinner. If you’re not feeling extremely clever today, let me explain. It’s breakfast – for dinner. Here’s an illustration:

brinner

I added potatoes, red peppers, onions, eggs, cheese, and a touch of salsa. As I can sense you have already predicted, it was delicious.

To complete the act, I guzzled down some Orange Juice – industrial strength pulp included.

I’m under the impression that there are only a few things ruining this country – and one of those things is pulpless orange juice. Removing something so great is like saying God made a mistake.

Well, I’m off to do some stuff.

Love,

Matt

PS. I burned the roof of my mouth. Think kind thoughts, please.

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A Chalky Mess

cal November 16th, 2009

Grainy, Grainy Protein

If you guys are wondering why I’m updating this over a protein shake, let me explain.

I love you very much.

This one turned out grainy. You can tell by the chalky film accumulating around the rim.

Looks like Lake Michigan in a glass.

Bombs away.

Love,

Matt

PS. If the physics involved in this post stump you, I found an article that may tickle your fancy.

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A Sober Hangover.

cal November 16th, 2009

MilkShakeThis stuff is pretty tasty. It’s basically like those old people milk shakes you get in the store, except, they trust you to mix this stuff yourself.

I may look painfully hungover in this picture, but let me assure you – I’m just tired, Mom! Really.

Well, off to work.

Love,

Matt

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I Visit the Orient

cal November 15th, 2009

Stir FryThe plot, along with some elusive brown sauce, thinkens! I cooked tonight!

Chicken fried rice with chicken (duh), carrots, peas, and some kind of brown sauce (it did taste brown). It was pretty good, but I’ll be honest – had I ordered from a Chinese restaurant, I’d have been disappointed.

I still would have tipped, however. I’m a nice guy though.

Sometime within the month, I’m going to try to make your soup, Mom. So, expect some emergency call where I’m mumbling that the pot is boiling over, my hand is on fire, and the carrots are getting mushy.

Those carrots can be so tricky.

I need to be on kitchen disasters.

Love,

Matt

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I’m Unhealthy Beneath this 0% Body Fat.

cal November 14th, 2009

ChipolteWatch my bitter tears as I eat this 1300 calorie zepplin of beauty. I typically love Chipolte, but I’ll be honest – after a few weeks of consecutive visits, anything will get old – even a tender cocktail of juicy beef, savory beans, and tangy salsa.

You wouldn’t know it, but they aren’t paying me to say this. Nope.

Sorry about that imagery, by the way.

You could pay me to say nice things, however. I am, after all, a marketer at heart.

Add of course my favorite protein supplement, this meal should help me gain some more weight, especially with my new gym memership! Weight training should be fun, no?

I’m planning on taking Tae Kwon Do.

Love,

Matt

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A Bad Start.

cal November 13th, 2009

PizzaWell, I’m certainly off to a bad start. Today I had a frozen pizza. It was a good one though, honest.

Curious as to what kind?

It was a Palermo’s Thin Crust. Although I’m partial to Home Run Inn, this was what was on sale this week. Listen up, Pick n’ Save.

I’m a glutton for saving dough, I suppose.

Add to the pizza a glass of milk with added protein supplement, and we’re talking about an all-american bachelor meal.

Love,

Matt

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